AICIU

Have you ever had one of those moments where you’re feeling out over nothing? Like, physically freaking out and it gets you all mentally worked up?
I’m laying in bed ready to sleep and exhausted when suddenly I start feeling weird. Next thing I know my heart is racing and I’m tingling, ready to get the fuck out of here or beat the living shit out of something. I suppose accumulated stress could be to blame since there is a lot riding on me tomorrow morning but I thought I had it under control. Maybe I’m suppressing that stress but I didn’t think I was too worried about the presentation tomorrow.

Next thing I know though I’m laying here in bed cycling again. I haven’t cycled through the tendrils of thought really bad in a long while. I thought this whole mess of over thinking again and again was done. I thought I’d gotten through it. I mean, things never really go away. You get better at ignoring or controlling them but there will always be a grain of them in you. Things like depression don’t just vanish. Like an addiction you’re always gonna remember them from time to time, what changes is how you handle the situation and what you tell yourself.

Now I’m just rambling.

I just want to sleep. I just need to relax. Venting to you, the nobody in particular who won’t read this, will help. Just dumping this shit down somewhere neutral and getting the erratic thoughts out will help me relax. Idk. Even if nobody reads this the silence of nothing is listening and that’s all I really want.

I have nothing to say. I’m just filling up space and putting down words. Saying something since I have nothing to let out is all I need.
I mean I have a lot to say, but the privacy of this account is long gone. People I know frequent here. It’s not that I can’t tell these people these things, I just would rather keep them out of my personal life. I might make a new account.

Aiciu is dead. I’m different. No longer is it “all I see is you”. The world is a bigger place. I’m not caught up on that one magic person to I’ve me reason to get my life in order.
Or am I?

It would certainly be a lot easier to exist if I had someone to exist for.


This’ll be the last post on here. I’m off to find a new burrow to empty my thoughts.
Goodbye followers. I love you.

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Well, the essay I wrote vanished into thin air rather than posting.


In summary I’d just like to say I can’t use this Tumblr like I’d like to. Things aren’t how they were. It’s not “all I see is you”. I’m gonna head out and find a new place to bury my deep thoughts and dump my rants.

Goodbye followers. I love you.

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wnderlst:

Yosemite National Park | Murali Achanta
ovls:

Alaska
davidandthat:

surprisingly accurate.
americanapparel:

Bad Girls Go To Hell (1965)
septemberwildflowers:

I live in such a beautiful place.
asiadreaming:

yoko mitsuya | 三津谷葉子
basquinot:

palm:

untitled by Jocelyn Catterson on Flickr.

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